August 10, 2015 4:08:01 pm
It’s most natural for couples to feel that being married means spending every moment together. The whole concept of “me time” seems to go out of the window the minute two people become a couple.
What actually poses a problem is the inability of one partner to understand the other’s need for some time away, some time apart, some time for themselves, by themselves.
Take the case of Shikhar and Nisha. When the two got married, Shikhar had not expected Nisha to be so possessive and so unyielding regarding his own free time.
“I would always meet my school friends once a month. It was kind of a ritual and they would all come without their spouses. But after I got married, my wife insisted that I spend all the time with her and if I had to meet my friends she insisted she would come along. We had major fights about it and I felt miserable that she couldn’t understand my need to spend time just with my friends and no one else,” he said.
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What most couples don’t realise is that just because they are married they own their partners’ time and attention.
It is important to spend time with one another, but out of choice – not by compulsion.
“She insists that we do all the things together – go to the gym together, go for a walk together, go socialising together…I have started feeling like I can’t breathe anymore,” he adds.
Most marriage counsellors advise couples to accept and embrace the idea of space between partners.
Often, it is the lack of this understanding that can spell trouble for the peace and harmony in marital ties.
What some couples fail to realise that as long as partners get their own space and personal time intermittently, it acts as a ventilator in marriage.
Take the case of Shreya and Ishaan. Both of them realised the importance of having some time away from one another and they made full use of that “opportunity”.
“When he goes to meet his friends or for his jogging session that he is so passionate about, I don’t insist on tagging along. In fact I enjoy that time to do my own thing, have my own gossip session with my friends,” says Shreya.
Counsellors also say that it is better to do certain things alone if the other partner hates doing something.
“I hate shopping and spending the whole day just hopping from one shop to another. And so we decided that I can take care of the kids while she goes shopping with her friends or her sisters. The only thing we try and draw up is the number of hours we are going to be away. I let her know when I will be back after my boys’ day out and she lets me know how many hours she needs. We both enjoy that time where we can be by ourselves,” says Ishaan.
Experts feel that if the couples accept the need for one another to have their own “me time” without feeling hurt and offended, then the relationship will not just have breathing space but will also emerge stronger.
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